Marriage Musings

Falling down the rabbit hole of marriage

When two become one…the weird math of marriage

When two people get married that means two people are bringing all of their belongings and trying to combine them into one harmonious space. The difficulty I faced is that most of the stuff we own came with me. It has been an adjustment to change my thinking from this is my (chair, bookshelf, fill in the blank) to it is ours.

One combination that has not been a struggle is combining our finances. A couple should organize their finances in the way that works for them but I think the best way is to have the money shared between the two, even if both spouses work. Any money that we make is put into a shared account. We know how much we have all together and all of our bills are paid out of that account. If one or both of the people come from a family who is not good with money, it ensures that both know how much money is coming in and where it is going out.

Making a budget is an important part of this process. I think it is important that both are involved with the finances. There are many who say that money is a major issure in marriage. By working together, it shares the burden and keeps both people in the loop. Each person should have a say in how their money is spent, but first ensuring that anything that needs to be paid is getting paid. Just like every other part of the relationship, there needs to be some give and take. Allow each person some “fun money” that they can use to buy what they like without having to ask the other.

Money can be a stressful part of marriage if it is allowed to overtake everything else. Like Richard Foster mentions in his book The Challenge of the Disciplined Life:Christian Reflections on Money, Sex & Power, money is not benign. Approach it with a wary attitude and use it for good, do not let it destroy your relationship. Keeping God in the middle of your relationship, means keeping him in the middle of your finances too. He will provide what is necessary, we do not need to worry about the rest.