Marriage Musings

Falling down the rabbit hole of marriage

Change…

This last weekend I went to a wedding with my sister-in-law. Every time I go to a wedding I am reminded of my own. While it was a happy day it didn’t turn out how I had pictured. Part of that was my fault. I was so afraid of being a Bridezilla that I didn’t have the confidence to be clear on what I wanted. This trip was the second of three trips I will be taking in a month without J.

I would never have thought of making all of these trips without him a few years ago. All of the time we have been together (9 years this fall) he has always been encouraging. He has always had more confidence in me and my abilities than I have. This is one quality I really appreciate about him.

An important part of marriage is change. Growth is expected as Christians which means that the person you married is not going to be the same person you are married to now. I am very thankful that J loved me then and loves me now. Many people use change in a person as an excuse for divorce but positive change should be welcomed not discouraged. People are naturally going to change. In our marriage change has been good. We are learning to be more selfless, patient, loving, and the list goes on. I am thankful that we are not the same people we used to be.

Questions:

How has growth been approached in your marriage?

What has been a challenging area of growth?

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Trust….

Since the end of last year, my husband and I have been on a job hunt. After our last trip to Montana in August, we decided we did not want to wait to move back because we were tired of the drive. Our desire to be closer to family made us look into jobs and housing a lot sooner than we had planned. The type of job he was looking for was one that paid more than he is making now so we would have extra to save for a house and pay off my school loans. After applying for many jobs and being turned down as well as hearing nothing but crickets after an interview, he got a call.

This call was an offer to preach in a small town for considerably less than we were planning. At first I was a little freaked because I was worried about the money. Once I had time to let things sink in I tried to focus on J. I wanted to know what he thought, how he felt about it before I voiced my opinion. He doesn’t like it when I do that but I don’t want my thoughts to influence him too much. After much talking and praying it seems that he is leaning towards it more and more. He thinks it is where God wants him to be but it will be a step of faith for me. The part of me that is constantly thinking about the future and trying-to-plan-for-it-so-our-life-will-have-less-financial-difficulties-than-our-parents is telling me “don’t do it”. The other part of me, the voice of truth, reminds me that God has never let me down, let us down. No matter what, we have always had what we needed. That has allowed me to be content at this point to follow J where his heart is leading him.

There are times when our brains and our hearts disagree. Sometimes it is difficult to hear our hearts because our brains can be very loud. The important thing is to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess 5:17 NAS). This allows our minds to calm down enough so we can hear our hearts. There will be many times in a marriage where the couple is confronted with what seems like only two choices. It is up to them to decipher which way to go. This process is not always easy, acutally, it usually isn’t. The point is to rely on God for direction.

I don’t know what the future holds for us but I do know that my husband has an amazing heart and a desire to share God with all people. He is a good example for me!

Next time you have some choices to make, make sure to include God in the process. He wants us to do His will not to live life solely for our own happiness. I hope that is an encouraging thought–in my experience, when I do His will, I am happy! 🙂

Say a prayer today asking God for wisdom in your decisions: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5).

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Best part of marriage….

I was sitting with a couple friends having a chat and a question came up that I thought would be fun to write about.  I was asked what the best part of marriage is. I remember when we were dating, we were both living on campus and every night he would say goodnight to me outside the girls dorm. After spending all day together, it was always difficult to say goodbye/night. That is one of the best parts of marriage, when we say goodnight it doesn’t mean me going up the stairs to my dorm room and him down the building to his room. It just means goodnight. I enjoy the time that we get to spend together but most of all, I love that goodnight no longer means goodbye.
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Differences….

A couple Fridays ago, I closed the front door before double checking that J had his keys. I was tired, hungry and not feeling well (not a good combo for me) so I sat on the deck to wait for our manager to get back from her other job…..quitely seething/pouting. J on the other hand was determined to get in so he went to our garage to get some tools he could use to try and “break in.” He was unsuccessful, which I figured he would be, because the only way to break into our place is to actually break something. Eventually he came back and we sat together and chatted while we waited. It got me thinking about our differences. People say “opposites attract” which sometimes is true. I think we are a good mix of oppositeness–its my site and I can make up words if I want :)–and similariness. In some ways we grew up the same, we were both raised in the church of Christ, had a decent number of kids in the family and had a mom and a dad. In some ways our personalities are the same also, in that we tend to be very quiet around new people. In other ways we are completely opposite. His family was very close growing up. My parents tried hard to keep us close as a family but it did not really happen until we got older. He loves to be outside, climbing anything and everything and just being physical in general. I on the other hand, would rather sit and read all day. He wants a big dog and I want a smaller dog. The list goes on. The incident on Friday reminded me that sometimes we are very different. While some may view this as a negative, I think of it as a positive, as a growing experience. One big difference between us is he is very laid back and I am….not. I like things to be planned and scheduled to the minute if I could. This year we will have been together for 7 years and I am a much different person than when we met. I have attempted to be a more “go with the flow” person and he has attempted to think ahead more. We have both changed but for the the better. That is one great thing about being married, we can spend the rest of our lives helping the other person be who God wants them to be. Our differences show me how much more growing I have to do (so I don’t get upset when he does things differently) but also is a source of amusement and laughter.
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Falling down the rabbit hole….

The idea of making a blog came from a class I am taking. Sometimes assignments have a direct relationship with real life. I love it when that happens. The immediate purpose of this site is for a grade. But I chose a template that I could use after this class is over so I can keep family up-to-date without having to use stamps 🙂 Being that I know a lot of people who are married, dating or would like to date I thought it would be fun to make a site about married life. I chose the idea of falling down the rabbit hole because that is what I felt like when I met J and his family and it continued after I got married. While we were raised with some similar beliefs, sometimes I feel like Alice, falling head first into another world.
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